almost been a month

i thought that not writing would be easier some how. but it's not. this is still really hard. not a single day goes by where I don't think of alexis--she is so present in so many things that go on in my life. so many reminders. so many people that ask how you doing. so many times i take an extra bite of something just for her. especially if it's something really yummy. i take an extra bite for her. i guess that's one of the ways i'm dealing with all of this. sort of. the other method that was recommended was to distract myself. going into it, i didn't think it was a good idea...because when you distract yourself, for me at least, you push off feelings that are important to confront and go through. I've been blanketing my emotions through different mediums. work, going out, friends, painting. but eventually the blanket comes off and your left naked with a million different emotions. that's kind of happening tonight. st. patty's out of all nights. lex would want me to go out, and i'm trying to. that's my plan. okay. i'm going. nice to write again. miss her.