late night rambles

I still don't believe any of this is true. so much of me still thinks that you will be coming home. but the reality is so far from that. the worst part is that i'm going to Israel in a few weeks--and then i think this will all be even more real--more permanent. a real punch to the stomach kinda realization that you aren't here and certainly not in Israel.

I miss you like crazy. we all miss you like crazy.

the memories of you and i in your housepital are coming at me fast and furious--i picture you marching along with the characters on the television screen.

i picture you turning your little head every time i opened the door to come into your hospital room to hang--eager to hear about the crazy adventure i had been on.

i think of "skinny bitch" and it's shiny reflection at night time.

i think of our long late night talks...our evening strolls...our honest exchanges about life, people, tragedy, gossip...imparting to you some of my philosophies about life and you taking a deep interest.

and while all these memories took place in a setting not so happy, these are all mostly happy memories. and they are mine. they are ours. but mostly mine.

how lucky am i that i got to be part of those moments. precious moments. we took it all in like it was our last--we know that lesson--live every day to the fullest. and we did. we really did.

your care and concern for me and everyone around you. your honest and loving opinions. your eagerness to learn more about a particular situation. your understanding of the world and people around you--we agreed on so many levels.

and you knew yourself so well--you were so well aware. so much more aware than a lot of people in this world. you got it.

been so busy lately with work--you'd be excited for me and the adventures i'm about to go on. besides going on the march of the living, i'll finally be heading to india--hehe...not one of the places you wanted to go to though--was too dirty for you! :) but i'll bring you back something cool anyway! a bracelet perhaps? i know you'd be excited. you knew how badly i wanted to go there. :) and each time i said india, you always smiled and said that it wasn't your thing.