I've experienced a new feeling and I am expressing it too well lately. It's called anger. I don't think that the experience of grieving has a particular order although the process in books seem to be prescribed such that you move from sadness to denial, to anger and eventually to moving on (i think guilt is somewhere in the mix). Anger has reared its ugly head on me. it's happening to me now.

It's been 9 months since and while time has certainly lapsed, Lex is still not here and it is making me really really angry. I'm angry because she should be here and I'm angry because she died. It's kind of like the experience of being claustrophobic--caught in a tight space, no room to move around and your fighting frantically to get out like a baby in a womb. Just angry. I don't think it will last long--but while I'm angry I will embrace it with a pink bow in my hair.