Part of the reason why I kept a blog was to keep everyone up to date
on lex. But mostly, the real reason was because I knew she was reading
this and I knew that she enjoyed my entries (no matter how sad or what they may have been) and it made her feel good. Now I'm writing this and she won't be reading it.

Its a full circle yet again. Life lost and what a life we have lost.

Its a tragedy. Debbie was right, this was like a shakespearean
tragedy, but, in our situation, its real. This is all real. It doesn't
even feel the slightest. I'm confused to b crying so much. I'm numb.
My fingers are weak, my mind is fogged and my body has been left in
complete and utter shock. Shaking.

This is the one blog lex would never have wanted to read. "I just don't think about that" she would say when we talked about life. "i'm a fighter."

I'm sad I'm
writing it, sad that u are reading it.

This whole disaster truly sheds light on so many fundemental aand
important life lessons. The unwritten ones. The situation and
relationship of mother and daughter. Father and daughter and sister to
sister. I'm seeing life differently. Forces of nature are
impressionable and I feel it. So profoundly. My words are jumbling amd
humming. this is how i'm feeling and i'm sharing it.

What I'm saying is that when I look at a mother with her
young daughter. I want to burst out. Tell that mom to love that child.
Tell that child to love their mom. Or in a sibling situation like my
own, I want my sister to know she's the queen of my world. My rock. My
shelter. My guiding light.

There are so many lessons. So many. All of which we can't take for in
vain. Alexis was not that way, nor should we be. Vanity is our and
should be our antithesis.

I can't help but think of all those who have been so present in all of
this. I wish u could all pinch me and tell me none of this is true. I
wish I had better news. I wish she was here.

I know she's so present though in this world. For those that knew her,
knew that she would want us smiling and not think about death. Let us
then, just, remember her life. she'd want that. Lex. I will write for you.